Bring It On

I was thinking today about how hard it was for me to give up coffee.  I love coffee.  I often posted on facebook in the mornings my little "ode to coffee".  I love black coffee, and I love coffee with half and half, and I really love flavored coffee or coffee with the sugar-free flavored creamers.  Before I gave up coffee I told people that they could take any food or drink away from me, but please don't take away my coffee.

And then the day came - March 16th, 2011.  I was having so many heart palpitations that day.  Usually when I got them I would just ignore them, but this time there were so many.  I asked my husband if he ever got them and he looked at me strangely and said "no, that doesn't sound good, you should get that checked out."  That was just before bed that night and I had trouble sleeping as I tossed and turned worrying about it.  St. Patrick's day I drank my coffee again in the morning...I think I drank half as much - like 4 cups (as measured on the coffee pot).  I had the palpitations again, but that afternoon I had a really hard one with a little pain and that scared me.  So I told my husband I was going to the stat-care because I was scared and maybe this was a heart attack or something.

The stat-care nurse did an EKG right away, but the doctor already knew I was fine.  They took a blood test too just to make sure and then the doctor was very quick to tell me that if I EVER think I'm having a heart attack again that I should call an ambulance or have someone take me straight to the E.R...I should never drive myself to stat-care.  He told me that these were common and often due to caffeine, lack of sleep, and stress.  He prescribed a beta blocker and had me set up for some other tests at the hospital. 

The following Monday is when the palpitations really went crazy.  I had a completely different scare with a member of my family the day before and I was completely stressed out on Monday.  The doctor had told me not to give up caffeine completely but to limit myself to one cup of coffee in the morning and maybe another in the afternoon.  I did that on Monday and still that evening the palpitations went haywire.  I was so scared and that evening I decided that I was giving up coffee.  And I haven't touched it since.

It was really hard the first couple of weeks.  I thought it might be hard for a few days, but it took a couple of weeks until it felt normal to not make a pot of coffee in the morning.  I wasn't sure what to do with myself in the morning.  Part of my morning routine was to make the pot of coffee and enjoy a cup while looking at email or watching a cartoon with my kids.  Without the coffee I didn't know what to do.  I'd make our breakfast and then I'd start cleaning because it felt foreign to sit at the computer or watch t.v. without coffee in hand in the morning.  Not to mention the caffeine withdraw.  Yes, not only coffee, but soda or anything with caffeine...even chocolate.  I wanted those palpitations to be gone.  They lasted even with the beta blocker and lack of caffeine up through May, but certainly not like they were. 

Now, when I look back at how hard it seemed to give up coffee it almost seems silly to me.  It's not part of my routine anymore and it's not a big deal at all.  I don't crave it, I don't care if I have it or not, it's not missing from my life.  In fact I've had a couple of house-guests over the last month who do drink coffee and I completely forgot to get coffee and cream for them - I couldn't believe it myself!!  Me??  Forget coffee of ALL things?  How strange was that??!!

So with that all in my thoughts, I wondered what it would take for me to give up over-eating and indulging in food - to create a healthy lifestyle that included exercise everyday?  If I could give up coffee and after a few weeks not even think of it anymore, what would it take for me to just change all of my eating habits and lose the weight that I need to lose?  It can't be that hard?  I wonder if I'd look back and think how silly it was that I stressed out about it so much - that I made it harder than it really was?  I'd love to be on the other side thinking that right now.  I'm glad I have the coffee thing to learn from.  Maybe I can make it work in other areas of my life. 

I think God gives us certain experiences to teach us lessons.  Not that God caused my heart palpitations - certainly I did that to myself, but the lesson was made real to me through Him.  I think the wisdom gained through our experiences is the gift that He gives us.  What we do with the wisdom is up to us.  Sometimes I don't feel strong enough to act on my wisdom - I'm still learning and gaining strength I guess.  I know strength is another gift gained through life experiences.  Those seem like the hardest experiences and I don't wish for those at all - a part of me would rather remain weak than to go through an experience that makes me stronger.  Backwards thinking, right?  Instead, I should say, "Bring it on!  Make me stronger!  Give me wisdom!" - because those are the tools that are going to make me into the person I'm meant to be.